Vicious circle of hate and love

It seems like you know me. Sometimes I feel scared because of those outdated stories which have nothing to do with us. But you smile and I smile, you laugh and I laugh, you talk and I hush.
I knew it from the first moment. You said the words I wanted to hear from another mouth. So close, so far.
I'm not worshiping, I don't want to compare. But you understand me, more than I do. And I'm so thankful.

~

It is becoming harder and harder to see you nowadays. In the streets you mingle with the colours and the wind. Under the rain, you are translucent. In the dark nights, even the lightnings can give you a bit of volume.
But you got the world enchanted. You are the big human law of physics.

I've been in this darkness before, but I wanted to live from a new perspective and I moved on from it. I'm reliving the effects but far away from it. Don't want to come back to it, I'm just understanding that everything is improvable, and any improvement will make life better, for me and for everybody around me.

Where are remaining these thoughts? When did they get so old? How couldn't I help it...?

O n e    m o r e    t i m e    . . .

Old sick thinking

-He's such an incredible boy. The best I've ever known. At first, I thought he was shy, embarrased by everything. But he's so funny. He makes me laugh a lot and sometimes we laugh together. That's the best thing! I don't know why but when we laugh at the same time, roaring with laughter, it's like a connection between us... His white teeth exposed, his entire face contracted in that gesture of happiness, his chest convulsing, his eyes looking at me bright, his laughter expanding in all directions, hitting mine...

She smiled while looking at the horizon. Progressively her expression turned more serious.

-He never cries. And if he cries, it's impotence. Because his father shouts at him when he argues with his mother. He cries of anger, because he can't throw his fists to his face, so he just can punch a cushion, or the cupboard... Because he can't vent his frustration. Because he needs to let off steam. It's very common... Boys usually always cry for that reason. For the need of a relief...

She was playing nervously with her fingers. When she realized it, she stopped, looked at her hands and sighed.

-He never cried over anybody. He cried when his grandfather died. And he cried over me just a few days ago...

Unconciously she started to play with her fingers again, slowly.

-That's something I won't ever understand. I don't deserve the tears of such a beautiful and perfect being. I am nothing compared with him...

Hex

The wind, the sun, the horses and the burning dust. They couldn't cope with you.

Your body is young, but your eyes are worn-out.

I made promises time ago...

I know there's silence in your home. At night, mom and dad wipe each other's faces.

Who wipe yours, giant? A voice in your head murmurs 'Keep it low'.

I care for you, yet...

The warm sweet chocolate of your skin melts my pupils, and your lips swing my thoughts.

But your eyelids can't shelter your eyes, and that scratches my ribs.

I've broken all my promises to you...

Why do you suffer?

You thicken the air with those whispers, and makes it hard to breathe.

Giant owner of my land, why do you suffer?

Keep struggling, I'll be here for you.

From the distance, from under your bed, from your subconscious dreams.

Why do you kill me so easily?

Say 'come', and I'll forget the world I knew.

Only you will linger in my memory.

And I will give myself away.

Don't suffer, my love.

I'm here for you.

Forever.

Leichenblässe

-You squeezed my hand so tight, and then your chest fell. All your strenght faded away. I cannot forget your face when you passed away. Your expression was so calm... Fuck, you left. All I could think in that moment was 'I am all alone now'. The situation was so maddening. I had a terrible tightness in my chest, and my temples were throbbing. I felt cold and heat at the same time, I was sweating and trembling. Then I fainted.
Sarah drank some water from the glass.
-Do you want some? Yes? -Sarah placed the mouth of the bottle on the surface of the mirror and slowly poured a trickle of water. She began to laugh.
-Anna, you always fool me! Now I have to wipe this mess... Wait here.
She went out of the room. Her mother was preparing juice in the kitchen. She looked at Sarah with watery eyes when she came in.
-Mom, where's the mop?
-Here you have... Sarah, please, have this juice. I prepared it for you.
-No, thank you.
-Sarah, please... It's just a juice... Please -her mother was crying.
Sarah took the mop and glared at her.
-I said no.
Sarah came back to her room and closed the door. She wiped the mirror and sat in front of it. She stared at the surface. She spoke again.
-People are trying to be my friend, and I hate all that compassion. They're not going to convince me. You are the one and only, the most true friend I've ever had. I'm sorry for my mom, but I'm already 16 and I can make my own decisions. One week has passed, and I haven't failed a single day...
Sarah frowned and looked down.
-I'm very cold all the time. And my stomach hurts like hell... But when I see you, I gather strenght to carry on. No doubt I will carry on, Anna... Dear, do you see what I see? You're as beautiful as ever, Anna, just look at your bones, I can see them all, you're perfect! But look at me... My skin is still rosy and thick enough to hide my real being. Anna, I want to meet you now, I just can't wait...
She put a hand on the mirror.

-My mother told me that if I don't eat, she will call the hospital. Now I'm not safe in my own home. I need to run away from it, but I don't know where to go. I cannot die in any which way, I must die like a princess, you know. Where can I go, Anna? I ain't got nobody in all this world... Only you, Anna, you've always been the only one who could understand me... And I need you, Anna. I can't bear this loneliness, I need to fill this emptiness within me... I just can't wait to meet you, dear. Tomorrow early morning, when my mother is still asleep, I'll break this mirror and take a big piece of it. I'll also take a blanket, and I will run to the cemetery. I will find water in the maintenance room... And I'll sleep next to you. If they find me I will slash my wrists, and if they don't leave me alone, I will do away with me... They won't catch me alive, anyone will stand in our way, Anna. I'll fight until the end, and I'll do my best to do it right. It's my only wish; to become a princess, and meet with you in the afterlife forever. It's not long till that...

Just a song, not an insinuation

Time after time we dream

Dreaming of how it all could be

But none can say what lies ahead

When after the dawn the sun will set

Only the truth remains in here

Mmmm...

Promises we make in vain and

Words we give for a while to break

A flower fades away - like everything else

Oh everything fades away

Words are stuck to the heart, my friend

They bring us together 'til we part again

When there's nothing left to share

And all the words will disappear

Only the truth remains in here

Words are stuck to the heart

My friend, my friend, my friend

Cuando solo el silencio canta

My friend, my friend, my friend

Y solo tus sueños bastan

Blood ain't blood for just the veins

If tears don't bleed the heart has failed

Need some space to ease my mind

I give it all up for just a smile

Only the truth remains in here

Mmmm...

Promises we make in vain and

Words we give for a while to break

A flower fades away - like everything else

Oh everything fades away

From street thugs

To guetto sufis

Holding their breaths

We clutch to riches and fame

Like it's all that's left

Righteousness is kept

Through minds awakened

Today we break our word

Like the bread we breaking

Así que tus palabras son mi cuna

Mi promesa es tu luna

Y cuando tu verso es verde claro

Que busca en el monte amparo

Mi verso es un puñal que da agua de coral

Llevo promesas tatuadas en mi pecho

[Words Stuck to Heart - Outlandish]