Know

Tell me the smallest number you know. The universe fits in a cell. And there's still room for more.

As my mind moves away from the Earth's surface, my questions become bigger, heavier. My conscience floats in the deep vacuum of space. I see the planets rotating, orbiting on ellipses with the Sun at one focus. And I ask myself, why? I approach the Sun, I can't feel the heat, the tongues of fire can't swallow me. I'm so extensive that I can embrace it. But I'm not huge enough. I look up, down, right, left, backwards and behind this star I have in front of me. The panorama is the same everywhere: heavenly bodies and nebulas of all sizes and colours, but the background, unattainable blackness.

I totter for a while, and swim down. I wonder myself, if I fall down to this eternal emptiness, how long could I be falling? Millennia pass, and I feel alone. I haven't reached the bottom yet. Infinite makes me dizzy.

I open my eyes again, I'm home.

I look at my hands, I move my fingers, which tremble, warm, full of blood, and I ask myself, why?
When I leave this planet, will I wake up in another one? There's energy enough for more life, here or wherever. I look out the window. It's night again.

It's difficult to classify the people who don't find use in praying. As you don't believe, you create your own theories. I find few drawbacks to this kind of agnosticism I follow. You have to assume that you won't ever know why. Nobody's going to explain you. You will die, as trees do, as bacterias do. And I'm ready to walk on this path that's life, until the end. I know my death is the right way, so I can't be happier with this life that has been given to me.

Religion tries to seduce me. People open their hearts to me, full of love for their God. Their words are a sweet lullaby. They talk about beauty, peace, security and immense love. I close my eyes once more, my senses concentrated in my ears, and I listen. Tell me about the magnificence of the paradise, about the accomplishment of all your dreams, and I'll sleep soundly tonight.

But when I wake up, I don't doubt.